I am an avid reader of Kelly's Korner. My sister and I joke that Kelly is our other sister. She is quite like us, we share similar tastes, etc. She'd fit right into our family ;) Anyway, she too, has 2 girls about the same ages as our two or at least the same age difference. She struggles with the issues I struggle and follows the word of God. It is a refreshing blog.
I often find myself worrying about how other people think of me--me as a parent, me as a discliplinarian, me as a person, etc. Mya is full of personality. She is NOT a naughty child. She is spirited. She beats to her own drummer. She is a leader. She is a delight. Claire is the same. She is wise beyond her years. She is a talker, She is independent. She loves to learn and analyze EVERYTHING. HOWEVER, I worry that not everyone will see these qualities as positives (perhaps as I am trying to explain to Claire why she cannot get that coveted guitar in the store or why the word cup says cup and not cooop, why I spend 10 minutes trying to convince Mya who is at the top level of the indoor play pit that it is time to get down and go home or why she needs to ride in the grocery cart vs. walk).
Kelly's Korner shared this link today and it really spoke to me. This is exactly it. It isn't about me. It isn't about my kids. It is about HIM.
http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/
"My daughter, Hope, is a senior this year. And she decided her senior year should be adventurous and a little out of the “normal” box. A lot out of the box actually.
She withdrew from traditional school. Applied with the state to homeschool. Enrolled in on-line college courses that would allow her to get both high school and college credit simultaneously. And planned to spend the month of January serving in Nicaragua doing missions.
This didn’t surprise me really. Because Hope has always liked charting her own course.
When she was really little I was scared to death I was the world’s worst mom, because Hope was never one to be contained. And I honestly thought all her extra tenacity was a sign of my poor mothering.
One day I took her to the mall to meet several of my friends with toddlers to grab lunch. All of their kids sat quietly eating cheerios in their strollers. They shined their halos and quoted Bible verses and used tissues to wipe their snot.
Not Hope.
She was infuriated by my insistence she stay in her stroller. So, when I turned away for a split second to place our lunch order, she wiggled free. She stripped off all her clothes. She ran across the food court. And jumped in the fountain in the center of the mall.
Really nothing makes the mother of a toddler feel more incapable than seeing her naked child splashing in the mall fountain. Except maybe that toddler refusing to get out and said mother having to also get into the fountain.
I cried all the way home.
Not because of what she’d done that day. But rather because of how she was everyday. So determined. So independent. So insistent.
I would beg God to show me how to raise a good child. One that stayed in her stroller. One that other people would comment about how wonderfully behaved she was. One that made me look good.
But God seemed so slow to answer those prayers. So, over the years, I changed my prayer. ”God help me to raise Hope to be who you want her to be.” Emphasis on, “God HELP ME!”
I think I changed my prayers for her because God started to change my heart. I started sensing He had a different plan in mind for my mothering of Hope.
Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule following child. God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult. An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along.
I don’t know what mama needs to hear this today. But let me encourage you from the bottom of my heart with 3 simple mothering perspectives you must hang on to:
1. Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2. Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3. Don’t try to raise a good child. Raise a God-following adult.
And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”
So good. Let me clarify one more time--my children are normal kids. They are GOOD kids. They are who God has intended them to be. I just need to set aside my own issues and watch as his plan unfolds. He has plans for our lovelies, very big plans for these two. I am truly blessed.
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