Constant Beginnings

My dearest Gavin, You have become such a little man! I love it/you with all my heart. Every breath you take, every thing you attempt to say, every step you take, every little thing you put in your mouth. All. Totally. Adorable. I can't believe you are nearly one year! It seems like yesterday we had just come home from the hospital and were learning to navigate this new life together. It has been a crazy ride, but we are in such a good place right now. You have the best qualities of each of us. It really is an amazing thing. My biggest worry was that you would be a high maintenance kid. You went through a significantly fussy period and I fretted that this would become the you I would know forever. Thank goodness that has been far from reality. You are such a mellow kid. You go with the flow--letting the girls lug you around like a sack of potatoes, run with us from activity to activity, eager to see where we go. You are an independent player. You love to explore. I frequently ...

We are in such a good place in our lives right now. Chris and I both have rewarding jobs that we enjoy. I'd say love, but I'm not sure if he "loves" his or not. :) We just marked our anniversary of our first date on February 12th, which was 17 years ago! I feel we are closer today than we've ever been. Chris and I chatted about the crossfit/support issue and he finally saw the light. Needless to say, this week has been much better. I feel supported and loved. Our kids are healthy, active, smart and dare I say, happy. All that said, I find it fascinating that we cannot help but feel sad or unsatisfied, held back by the what could have been's. Chris made the decision to retire from the Air Force. It was a tough decision. One filled with pros and cons. The pros obviously being stability for our family and more time together. The cons being what is bringing us to this bittersweet place. It is this month that we would have found out, along with our other friends,...

Chris and I started this crossfit journey 2 months ago. In that time, I missed about 5 classes or so. While I've seen so many positive changes and surprised myself many times--like going from not being able to do any butterfly situps to doing 30 or not being able to jump rope at all to jumping 100 times in one minute or hurling 80 pounds over my head? Yeah, I've progressed. Yet, my disappointment and frustration in what I am still unable overwhelms me. Takes hold of my focus. Pushes me to feel trapped. See the thing is that the pieces of crossfit that I really love above all other types of programs is the competition aspect. I like a challenge. I always have. I like to win. I like to beat people and I love to surprise them with my mightiness. Last night was tough for me. I am not a good loser. It isn't pretty. In fact, I am a pretty pathetic loser. Our WOD was the following--5 rounds of 15 calorie row, 15 pull ups (with bands), 15 dragon crawls, 15 sit ups and 15 wall balls...