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Being a grown up is overrated...

There are only a few things I miss about the military life. The biggest being that anticipation that comes knowing that your life is about to do a 180 shift as new assignments are dropped. You generally know exactly how long you will live in one place and consequently, look forward to that next chapter. Well now that Chris is retired, we no longer have those dictated moves. We are the grown ups, in charge of our own adventures. While we've had an amazing 6 years living overseas, we knew from the beginning this isn't our forever. We want our children to know the world is their oyster, to not be afraid of conquering whatever they may desire. Growing up in small town America, I traveled the US, but only dreamed of traveling abroad. I know very well that I would never have stepped outside of my comfort zone and booked a trip without having been forced. I never want that fear or anxiety to paralyze our children. I think our life overseas has laid a solid framework for that hope.
Chris and I have been contemplating timing. My parents are getting older. Though we go back to the US every summer and I feel my kids know and love my parents, I feel they all miss out not having the opportunity to see each more often. My nieces and nephews are getting older. Soon those little beings that I spent so much time with as toddlers and smaller kiddos will be gone, walking a new journey of their own. We also have nieces and nephews who are the perfect ages to be best buds with our kids. My sisters and brothers in laws are icing on the "come back to America" cake. We miss so much being so far away. However, living overseas is pretty similar to living in Massachusetts. We see family equally as much. Soooo, the driving question is can we call North Dakota home? Is it our forever home? Can I deal with the family drama? Will I be okay living a "normal" life which doesn't involve hopping a plane to Norway for a long weekend? Sheesh. We've been spoiled.
I don't know. The unknown and fear that accompanies it is paralyzing.
Chris interviewed for a pretty big position within the ND Government. He interviewed on a Thursday evening and was verbally offered the position Friday. He immediately said "yes." We were both on an initial high. Everything was working out. We both had jobs (I'd return to my former position until one opened in BPS), had daycare lined up for Gavin, and my parents were going to let us live in their new house for a year with no rent. However, reality hit soon after. We realized we had just put $40,000 into a new house, which ate up all of our savings. We have a couple of thousand on student loans left to pay, we have a car payment, etc. We were not in the financial position we had hoped we'd be in when we moved back. We reflected on our great friendships we'd just established. The amazing opportunities we have. The fulfillment we each have in our current positions. He declined the position.
We spent much of the holiday break reflecting on our choice. The hiring official emailed Chris, stating he was the most impressive candidate he's interviewed, felt it would be a perfect fit for him, etc. I feel completely torn. I want for my kiddos what I had. I want for Chris to be fulfilled. I want him to feel accomplished. However, I appreciate the safety in staying where we are. Growing up is tough. Making decisions is tough. Reducing risk is tough and trying not to live with regrets is tough. What should we do???

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