It seems life is flying at rapid pace. From the moment we wake, Chris and I are barking out orders to make sure everything gets done, everyone has what they need and all walk out the door with relatively brushed teeth, combed hair and clean clothes. It is a group effort. While our girls do pretty well, they get side tracked--often by their brother's cuteness. It is frustrating. That frustration turns the tides from a pleasant morning to a crabby, hurry-filled panic. Super frustrating.
Work is my calm amidst the storm. I am in control. Of my schedule, of my life. There and only there do I not have 3 other demanding little people's needs to meet as well, knowing full well, their happiness rests on my shoulders. I love my job. That being said, working outside the home, means nothing productive is happening in other areas of my life--no laundry being washed, floors being cleaned, food being scraped off the high chair, boxes being packed.
At 2:35 it begins again. The storm. I pick up Mya from class. She is typically eager to see me, but most often, waving at friends along the way, setting up play dates without my consent and hurriedly rushing to the spot where we wait for Claire. Claire is a different soul. She arrives, greets us, then excitedly tells me about her day, down to every last detail. We walk to the van, where we drive to pick up Gavin, then rush to the afternoon's activity.
I've learned the hard way that something has to give. I can't do it all. I can't have my cake and eat it too. So, in hopes to reclaim some sanity without compromising my children's childhoods, I gave up going to Crossfit. It is a bittersweet sacrifice. It was my outlet. I hated going, felt nauseous before every workout, but felt so good afterwards. I felt like I was improving myself. I felt like I was modeling good health to my children. I felt I was showing my girls that strong is amazing. However, rushing from school to activity to the gym nearly every night, meant that the minutes I was with my children were stressful ones. I was barking orders. Rushing to get the necessaries done. I was constantly thinking about my never ending "to do" list. I was failing--as a mom and as a person. Our schedule was so full. Mya hadn't completed her homework in well over a month. Claire was practicing her violin one night per week which was typically the day before her lesson. Neither of them had time to play or be children.
While quitting the gym was one piece of the puzzle, the other piece was cutting out activities. I stopped violin lessons until next fall. Gymnastics ends the end of May as does their afterschool club. That will mean a wide open schedule. We are going to sign them up for swimming lessons in June, but that is all.
For me, I am trying to become more organized. I am making weekly goals vs. longer term ones. I am taking it one day at a time. I am trying to savor my children's childhoods. Before long, they will be grown and gone and I will be yearning for those memories. These babies may seem big now, but the truth is that they are forever my babies. Instead of constantly pushing them to be more independent, I need to cherish their littleness. One day they won't need me. That day will come soon enough.I need to let them be little and hold on tightly to every minute. So with that, here are my goals for this week:
1. Make a simple meal plan and stick to it.
2. Organize the file cabinet. Make individual files, shred what is no longer needed.
3. Read to/with Mya & Claire every night.
4. Go on an evening walk as a family.
5. Say "no" less often. Let it go. I know I have good kids. Try to be the Mom who is okay with ice cream before dinner, messiness and all things fun.
6. Know that I am good enough. Not perfect. Good enough.
Work is my calm amidst the storm. I am in control. Of my schedule, of my life. There and only there do I not have 3 other demanding little people's needs to meet as well, knowing full well, their happiness rests on my shoulders. I love my job. That being said, working outside the home, means nothing productive is happening in other areas of my life--no laundry being washed, floors being cleaned, food being scraped off the high chair, boxes being packed.
At 2:35 it begins again. The storm. I pick up Mya from class. She is typically eager to see me, but most often, waving at friends along the way, setting up play dates without my consent and hurriedly rushing to the spot where we wait for Claire. Claire is a different soul. She arrives, greets us, then excitedly tells me about her day, down to every last detail. We walk to the van, where we drive to pick up Gavin, then rush to the afternoon's activity.
I've learned the hard way that something has to give. I can't do it all. I can't have my cake and eat it too. So, in hopes to reclaim some sanity without compromising my children's childhoods, I gave up going to Crossfit. It is a bittersweet sacrifice. It was my outlet. I hated going, felt nauseous before every workout, but felt so good afterwards. I felt like I was improving myself. I felt like I was modeling good health to my children. I felt I was showing my girls that strong is amazing. However, rushing from school to activity to the gym nearly every night, meant that the minutes I was with my children were stressful ones. I was barking orders. Rushing to get the necessaries done. I was constantly thinking about my never ending "to do" list. I was failing--as a mom and as a person. Our schedule was so full. Mya hadn't completed her homework in well over a month. Claire was practicing her violin one night per week which was typically the day before her lesson. Neither of them had time to play or be children.
While quitting the gym was one piece of the puzzle, the other piece was cutting out activities. I stopped violin lessons until next fall. Gymnastics ends the end of May as does their afterschool club. That will mean a wide open schedule. We are going to sign them up for swimming lessons in June, but that is all.
For me, I am trying to become more organized. I am making weekly goals vs. longer term ones. I am taking it one day at a time. I am trying to savor my children's childhoods. Before long, they will be grown and gone and I will be yearning for those memories. These babies may seem big now, but the truth is that they are forever my babies. Instead of constantly pushing them to be more independent, I need to cherish their littleness. One day they won't need me. That day will come soon enough.I need to let them be little and hold on tightly to every minute. So with that, here are my goals for this week:
1. Make a simple meal plan and stick to it.
2. Organize the file cabinet. Make individual files, shred what is no longer needed.
3. Read to/with Mya & Claire every night.
4. Go on an evening walk as a family.
5. Say "no" less often. Let it go. I know I have good kids. Try to be the Mom who is okay with ice cream before dinner, messiness and all things fun.
6. Know that I am good enough. Not perfect. Good enough.
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