if this is a vacation, take me back to stress...

UGH. i am on vacation this week, technically spring break. so far, 2 days in, it has been far from a vacation. you see, on friday i received word that my one and only living grandmother was in the hospital. she supposedly had pneumonia, but there were spots on her lungs that needed further testing. 2 days later and she has been diagnosed with lung cancer--2 masses, one in each lung. this, on a lady who has never smoked a day in her life. the masses need fluid, so the medication they are giving her to clear up the pneumonia are not effective. she is having great difficulty breathing and things don't look good. not good at all. life just sucks sometimes. i was very fortunate as a child to spend alot of time with all of my grandparents. this particular one lived on our family farm, so i saw her quite often in the summer. she never complained, is/was generally never sick and always put others first. my grandma is/was a great grandma. she pushed us on the swings, took us out to see/feed the animals, gave us treat money nearly each visit, always had our favorite cookies/desserts in the freezer for when we visited, played whatever games/activities we had in mind. awww, the great memories. now as i think of her not being in my life, such sadness comes over me. yet, i feel selfish. she obviously isn't well. although the cancer had gone undetected until now, i can't help but realize what a blessing it is. i think it would have torn her up to know her fate and always wonder how long or when. i do not know a more religious person. she and my grandpa truly have been the greatest role models as far as faith and prayer go. that is definitely a gift that i will always cherish. there is no question if she will enter those pearly gates to be reunited with my grandpa. for that, i am grateful. however, how much grief, pain and suffering must one family endure? we said good-bye to my grandma arlene in oct. 2007, my grandpa elwood in june 2008 and now we are waiting for a miracle or my grandma dorothy's pain and suffering to subside. awful. good-byes are awful. long good-byes are even worse.
my grandma has consumed many of my thoughts and prayers this weekend, but additionally, i have been suffering through my annual spring cleaning. i washed all the windows inside and out downstairs, washed the cupboards in the kitchen and will move upstairs to tackle those windows later this week. chris and i are going to clean our rugs too. fun times ahead for this vacation. i have also been trying to prepare some meals to freeze for when i have the babe. so far, i have 2 pans in the freezer. we'll see how many more i complete this week. on a happy note, we have our 35 week ultrasound tomorrow. very excited. chris will get his final assurance that we are in fact having a girl--final until the birth, obviously. we are both looking forward to seeing this kiddo.
thus far this vacation has been a bit stressful. hopefully things calm down and we can find some relaxation.