Tomorrow marks the conclusion of my first week as a single parent. It has been pretty easy. In fact, the most difficult part or actually ONLY difficult part has been listening to Chris's immature fun and that just occured today--more on that later. Claire has been a dream. She is listening, following directions, helping me with Mya, being independent at times and just being perfect. We have our nightly routines and pushed through our first weekend. We visited a local farm/petting zoo, shopped a bit, went on daily walks and stopped at a playground today. It was fun. The kiddos are eating well, taking naps without battles, really, I couldn't ask for better. HOWEVER, it is exhausting. I've done the single parent thing for a couple weeks at a time in the past and several times for a few days or a week long stint, but there is nothing like feeling like the end is nowhere in sight. There is truly no relief. It is amazing how much that little reminder changes my mindset. Despite the perfection and smooth transition our kids have made, I can't help but feel completely resentful to hear Chris getting drunk on soju. Drunk or not, the fact that he was able to sit back, have some drinks and not worry about having to wake up during the night to tend to our kids or worry that his day would begin at 6:00 the following day, is frustrating to me. I suppose these feelings are very selfish and inappropriate. I, on one hand, want him to experience Korea for all its worth, but on the other hand, want him to keep in the forefront of his mind the sacrifice and responsibility that I have to have 24 hours per day 7 days per week. I know he is aware, but I can't help but wonder if he truly "got it" then he would make choices and decisions accordingly. This is hard. I knew it would be, but it is really hard--not single parenting but temporary single parenting. There is a HUGE difference. I'll get over it, I suppose. I guess I have to. I have two beautiful little girls who are depending on ME to be happy, excited and totally in love with them. They are awesome.
Claire is nine months old. She is such an active kid, always on the go. She no longer lays nicely when we change her diaper. It is quite the challenge. She is getting rather quick at crawling, so we have to move just as quickly to keep her out of where she doesn't belong--the fridge, cupboards, etc. Developmentally, she is right on track or maybe a bit advanced in our biased eyes. She crawls, pulls herself up, is beginning to move from one piece of furniture to another, mostly eats table food, and imitates us (both in the noises we make or actions--knocking on a door). When we hold her hands, she is beginning to take steps without much guidance. On Saturday, she made her first attempt to climb a step. Sadly, it ended with her sliding down. She has three teeth--two on the bottom, one on top with another coming in on top. Ten things we love about her: 1. her smile 2. her curiosity 3. the way she holds our hands or her own hands when she sleeps 4. her easy-goingness 5....
Comments
Oh honey I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with Chris away. I have to agree with Alison, you need to look at one day at a time. Looking at the whole year makes it seem like for ever.
I know that you and the girls are always 1st in Chris' mind. I am sure you know that also.
I do not condone his drinking (especially getting drunk), but I know "vice is its own punishment".
Take the advice of your friends and go do something nice for yourself.
Call a sister or parent and let them spoil you for awhile.
It is difficult to be a single parent, but I think I would rather be a single parent with my children, than a single husband without my family. I know this is very frustrating for you and you need to vent all you can to get through this. At the same time remember that you are Chris' life and the strength, and he is yours. you guys will get through this year together, and be stronger for it.
love you
always sending prayers for your little family