Tomorrow marks the conclusion of my first week as a single parent. It has been pretty easy. In fact, the most difficult part or actually ONLY difficult part has been listening to Chris's immature fun and that just occured today--more on that later. Claire has been a dream. She is listening, following directions, helping me with Mya, being independent at times and just being perfect. We have our nightly routines and pushed through our first weekend. We visited a local farm/petting zoo, shopped a bit, went on daily walks and stopped at a playground today. It was fun. The kiddos are eating well, taking naps without battles, really, I couldn't ask for better. HOWEVER, it is exhausting. I've done the single parent thing for a couple weeks at a time in the past and several times for a few days or a week long stint, but there is nothing like feeling like the end is nowhere in sight. There is truly no relief. It is amazing how much that little reminder changes my mindset. Despite the perfection and smooth transition our kids have made, I can't help but feel completely resentful to hear Chris getting drunk on soju. Drunk or not, the fact that he was able to sit back, have some drinks and not worry about having to wake up during the night to tend to our kids or worry that his day would begin at 6:00 the following day, is frustrating to me. I suppose these feelings are very selfish and inappropriate. I, on one hand, want him to experience Korea for all its worth, but on the other hand, want him to keep in the forefront of his mind the sacrifice and responsibility that I have to have 24 hours per day 7 days per week. I know he is aware, but I can't help but wonder if he truly "got it" then he would make choices and decisions accordingly. This is hard. I knew it would be, but it is really hard--not single parenting but temporary single parenting. There is a HUGE difference. I'll get over it, I suppose. I guess I have to. I have two beautiful little girls who are depending on ME to be happy, excited and totally in love with them. They are awesome.
I used to be prompt about scrapbooking in Claire's album. After seeing my sister's pictures piled up three children later, I was determined not to have the same fate. I am sure it is difficult for some of you to believe, but since Claire has been born, my free time has been limited. Really, it has. So, our pictures are finding their way into piles too--5 to be exact. However, I am thrilled to say that I finished (ok, they aren't completely finished, but nearly. I only have journaling to do.) six pages. Yes, that's right, I said SIX!! It was a major accomplishment. Here they are for your viewing pleasure. Only 5 more months left to get through....any volunteers? Jessica???
Comments
Oh honey I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with Chris away. I have to agree with Alison, you need to look at one day at a time. Looking at the whole year makes it seem like for ever.
I know that you and the girls are always 1st in Chris' mind. I am sure you know that also.
I do not condone his drinking (especially getting drunk), but I know "vice is its own punishment".
Take the advice of your friends and go do something nice for yourself.
Call a sister or parent and let them spoil you for awhile.
It is difficult to be a single parent, but I think I would rather be a single parent with my children, than a single husband without my family. I know this is very frustrating for you and you need to vent all you can to get through this. At the same time remember that you are Chris' life and the strength, and he is yours. you guys will get through this year together, and be stronger for it.
love you
always sending prayers for your little family