I am fairly certain every person who has miscarried goes through what I am experiencing. Bitterness. Everyone around me is pregnant. I hate it. Of course, I am happy for them--don't get me wrong. I sincerely am. April, this means you! I am totally happy for you.
Case in point--we go to a get together a my new BFF's house 2 weeks ago. One of the girls there is definitely pregnant, consequently, the entire conversation encompassed babies, pregnancy, delivery, blah, blah, blah.
2. Claire's teacher is pregnant. I really like her. I think she is a great person and is trying very hard to enforce the idea that we are a "school family." It aligns with the kindergarten standards of community, etc. She sends weekly emails with updates on her pregnancy (nothing descriptive and very appropriate), but this time an ultrasound was attached because they just found out they are having a boy! Make me barf!
3. There is a saying around Germany that you either leave here with a coo coo clock or a baby. Needless to say, everywhere I look there is a baby bump.
4. I read several blogs and I swear to you that over 50% of those who write them are now pregnant. I may need to sensor myself and my readings.
The worst part is that because I am feeling such bitterness towards everyone, I find it difficult to focus on what I do have. My husband is AWESOME! Our girls are AMAZING! Most people would kill to have such a fantastic family. Seriously. I couldn't have asked for better. Yet, I find it difficult to focus on the now. Focus on the good. Focus on the love in my life. I am lucky. I've struck gold so many times. Why am I letting this one rotten experience overcome me?! It sucks. I know my sister felt similar after her miscarriages. Yep, I said miscarriages. It could be worse. It could be harder. It could be more difficult, yet I find myself whining. UGH! It is so annoying!
It stinks. Just when I'm feeling better and my outlook is improving, I encounter a visual reminder of what could have been and it throws me back into that funk. It is hard to hide. Hard to move out from. Hard to swallow.
Okay, now I feel better. The other part to this, I should add, is I didn't tell many people of our miscarriage because I didn't want them to feel ackward, etc. I've been there--pregnant and knowing the difficulties of others. Conversations are strange, there is dancing when there shouldn't be, ACKWARD! I don't want others to feel that, so instead, I'll fight back the tears knowing that I too, should have a bigger belly, directing Chris to set up the nursery, planning our gender reveal, buying baby clothes even though we've got enough to clothe 10 babies ;) Gosh, I am such a middle child. Anyway, such is life. I will get over it. I will move on and my heart will heal.
Case in point--we go to a get together a my new BFF's house 2 weeks ago. One of the girls there is definitely pregnant, consequently, the entire conversation encompassed babies, pregnancy, delivery, blah, blah, blah.
2. Claire's teacher is pregnant. I really like her. I think she is a great person and is trying very hard to enforce the idea that we are a "school family." It aligns with the kindergarten standards of community, etc. She sends weekly emails with updates on her pregnancy (nothing descriptive and very appropriate), but this time an ultrasound was attached because they just found out they are having a boy! Make me barf!
3. There is a saying around Germany that you either leave here with a coo coo clock or a baby. Needless to say, everywhere I look there is a baby bump.
4. I read several blogs and I swear to you that over 50% of those who write them are now pregnant. I may need to sensor myself and my readings.
The worst part is that because I am feeling such bitterness towards everyone, I find it difficult to focus on what I do have. My husband is AWESOME! Our girls are AMAZING! Most people would kill to have such a fantastic family. Seriously. I couldn't have asked for better. Yet, I find it difficult to focus on the now. Focus on the good. Focus on the love in my life. I am lucky. I've struck gold so many times. Why am I letting this one rotten experience overcome me?! It sucks. I know my sister felt similar after her miscarriages. Yep, I said miscarriages. It could be worse. It could be harder. It could be more difficult, yet I find myself whining. UGH! It is so annoying!
It stinks. Just when I'm feeling better and my outlook is improving, I encounter a visual reminder of what could have been and it throws me back into that funk. It is hard to hide. Hard to move out from. Hard to swallow.
Okay, now I feel better. The other part to this, I should add, is I didn't tell many people of our miscarriage because I didn't want them to feel ackward, etc. I've been there--pregnant and knowing the difficulties of others. Conversations are strange, there is dancing when there shouldn't be, ACKWARD! I don't want others to feel that, so instead, I'll fight back the tears knowing that I too, should have a bigger belly, directing Chris to set up the nursery, planning our gender reveal, buying baby clothes even though we've got enough to clothe 10 babies ;) Gosh, I am such a middle child. Anyway, such is life. I will get over it. I will move on and my heart will heal.