Skip to main content

Off the train of wallowing.

Here we are. 2 months have passed since my miscarriage. It has been a rollercoaster ride. One that I've desperately wanted to get off since being forced to ride. I've had happy days and some very sad days. It is odd. The days I am happy, I also have a guilt that surrounds that happiness. My psyche somehow works very hard to convince the rest of me that I shouldn't feel this way--that it is wrong. Additionally, our children didn't know we were due to have a baby, so it is for them that my smile is pasted on my face each morning and we push through our crazy, normal, busy lives. Although time doesn't make me forget the heartache and sadness, it does help me to realize that I must pick myself up and begin to find me again.

I was doing so well with running prior to this pregnancy. I stopped when I began to miscarry. It was a long, brutal month. I tried to get back into gear, but again, my emotional hell took over. The fact is that I am a much happier person when I have that outlet. It took my dear husband to make me see the light.

He asked a few days ago when I was going to start exercising again. Although I tease him about it, I know he didn't say it out of disgust or with a hidden agenda or underlying meaning. He said it simply because he knows it is time to move on, to rediscover me and my happiness. That is it.

So, today it began. I jumped back on the treadmill for 20 minutes of pain. It was an ugly sight, but I did it. I also started TurboFire, which seems to be rather fun. I had been doing Insanity, but decided Turbo Fire may be a bit lighter transition for me at this point. I need lighter. I need success. I need some fun. We'll see how it pans out ;)

Comments

Anonymous said…
There is no magic cure, keeping busy sure helps though! I still think about our babies and when the due date rolls around you will feel that sadness again! We are excited to think of the future, seeing you in Germany! Loving on your little beautiies, etc. I know you getting back to your normal self! You have always been someone I've looked up to. I'm so lucky to have 2 older sisters to give me tons of good advice! Hang in there, you will never forget but you will heal!


Love ya, j
November 3, 2012 at 11:23 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

0.0

Yes, indeeedy do. 0.0 is exactly the amount of weight I lost this week. Irritating! Here's the breakdown: number of times I cheated on my diet--ZERO! number of times I worked out--FIVE!! (running, no less). Now that is a mean, mean slap in the face. After I picked myself off the floor and resisted the urge to throw the scale through my window, I've come to realize that it is time to call in the big guns. There will be no messing around. Through a very valuable (HA!--sense the sarcasm) inservice this year, I've learned that I am "Green," meaning logical, research based, problem solver, mathmatical thinker. I am applying the same thought and strategy to my 'get fit' adventure. There will be no relying on the treadmill to tell me how much I've burned. That thing lies, LIES, LIES!! Take for example, the fact that each time I worked out, I burned at least 300 calories--most often 350, my pulse was around 87 (which is pretty much a near death resting ...
13 comments
Read more

my workout playlist

I never dreamed I'd be listening/watching this when I worked out, but it is true. Here it is: photo courtesty of Laurieberkner.com I wouldn't have it any other way. My little healthy lifestyle journey is going well. I have exercised 7 days thus far which consists of treadmill activity and an ab workout every other day. I don't pressure myself to run everyday, but I have run 4 of the 7 days. I am quite proud of that. I have never been a runner or enjoyed running, but I have grown to like it. I used to say that I had exercise induced asthma! I think I did, but maybe I outgrew it? ha. Whatever the reason, I am finding it pretty easy to run and maintain a steady pace for no less than 20 minutes each time. Pretty impressive feat for a girl like me. Interestingly, I had planned to take today off, but didn't. I actually had the desire to run. Chris and I are both sticking to the eating plan as well. So far I am down about 4 pounds. Although 4 pounds is plenty, it ...
8 comments
Read more

Pink Family

Chris and I are creatures of habit. We like what we like. When we find something especially wonderful, we tend to go a bit overboard. Case in point--Chinese restaurant in Minot, ND. We frequented it often at least a couple of times per week. This was basically THE place we went out to eat. The host actually started to say things like, "nice to see you AGAIN." We were rather embarrassed and fearful that his line would eventually become, "your usual table?" Thankfully we moved. Since coming to Korea, we've tried every Brazilian Steakhouse (there are 4 or 5), I deemed Ceia my favorite. It has the most delicious white rice with which I put this onion mixture on top and it is oh. so. yummy. We became frequent visitors--typically one night per week. We joked between ourselves that we were going to be greeted as we were dreading in Minot. It never happened, thankfully, but who knows what the staff actually said as they primarily spoke Korean :) Another quirk Chris an...
5 comments
Read more